Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
