What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
