shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
