i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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