he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
porn star boner night. come get it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
