my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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