Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
