Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
