as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
