my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this is an emotional support booty call
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
