Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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