The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
