you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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