The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
