this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
