It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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