Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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