you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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