I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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