Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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