Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
