You smell like a Billy Joel song
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
