Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
