I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
