My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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