no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
