Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
