if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
