I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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