he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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