I wanna bring you to show and tell
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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