You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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