you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
