he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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