Sorry, I don't speak sober.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
