It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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