If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
