He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
