***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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