Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
