he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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