she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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