i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
