just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
