I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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