I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
