The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
