First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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