He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
