I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
