just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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