i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So here I am, sexting at work.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
