maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
