So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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