I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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