I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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