Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
