Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
