I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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