i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
