She said her name was "party"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Come on in and take your pants off
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