I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
