I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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