I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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