Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
