would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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