you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
