I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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