you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How naked do you want me to be?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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