ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
