If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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