we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
