i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
