My friends, they love my intelligence
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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