there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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