Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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