Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
