He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
