I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
