I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
