And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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