I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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